When I first became a Head Football Coach, I was 27 years old, and single! No children either. Boy was that FUN! I LIVED, ATE and BREATHED my football program! I woke up without an alarm, thinking of my boys and coaches and program, and went to sleep worn out from my long days of being around football, or thinking about football or working plans for my program, or fundraising, or running a youth camp or attending booster meetings or doing 1,000 other things! Being young, single and without kids made the MANY demands of the job EASY! And fun!
I had no clue!!!!
I told my girlfriend at the time to run! I really did. When things were getting serious, we went out for an important, defining type of dinner, and I laid it all out over some tacos and salsa. I said “Here is what life looks like for a Head Football Coach during the season, and here is what it looks like out of season. Are you SURE that you want to commit to this lifestyle? I think you should run now!”
She didn’t listen!
We were married April 3, 2004! This was after my first season as a Head Coach. Our oldest child, Nate, graduates from high school next week, on May 28, 2025. We’ve come along ways together!
Christine was a PHENOMENAL Head Coach’s wife! She really was. I was a Head Coach for just 8 years, and then really focused on my career as an Athletic Director, and just being an Assistant Coach. All told, I coached 17 years, and stopped after coaching the Special Teams at Victor Valley College in 2017 in order to go into High School Administration.
I took over an awful program in 2006. They did not win a game in 2005, and won just 2 in 2004. They recruited me to join them, and it was a lucrative offer that made a lot of sense for my family, and I was able to go to a school where I became an Athletic Director as well.
Also in 2006, my first of three children was born! Nate was born on Sunday night. I was in the office the next morning at 7:00 am. We had a game to prepare for! He was born October 29th.
My second child, Taylor, made my wife’s water break when I was at a July 24th 7 on 7 passing league game one afternoon! I saw about 25 missed calls on my cell phone that I had left in the car, and raced to the hospital. My Princess was born a few hours later, and just a few days before Training Camp.
Our third child, Josiah, yeah he was born during something football related too! I was coaching an All Star game in Los Angeles, when my phone started blowing up during the National Anthem on one very beautiful, Southern California Saturday summer night; it was June 26th. I didn’t even coach in the game that I prepared all week for! Took off and raced down the 5 freeway to Oceanside, luckily he waited for me to get there.
3 kids, 3 born right smack in the middle of “football season!” We really couldn’t have planned that any better! Nate was born on a Sunday, and on the sidelines on Friday night!
It was rough with a newborn! Remember how easy it was as a young single guy?! Now I was married, I had a kid, and I was trying to turn around a program! (In fact, we did return that team to the CIF playoffs that season!)
Fast forward a few years, and now I had Nate AND Taylor. When they were right about 2 and 4 years old, and we had lost on a Friday night, my wife came into our room that Saturday morning. She woke me up (way too early) and said something I’ll never forget: “THESE KIDS DON’T CARE THAT YOU LOST LAST NIGHT. THEY DON’T EVEN CARE YOU COACHED LAST NIGHT. THEY JUST WANT TO PLAY WITH DADDY!! SO, YOU GOT 15 MINUTES TO STOP MOAPING, FORGET ABOUT LAST NIGHT, AND BE A DAD AND HUSBAND, CAUSE I NEED A BREAK.”
She was right.
It’s a very, very difficult road to hoe. Being a Head Coach, being an Assistant Coach, and being a father or a mother at home is a VERY difficult task. I’ve been in High School Administration since 2018. Assistant Principal for two years, and now a Principal since July 1, 2020. I can tell you this: it is FAR easier to “turn it off” at home as an Administrator, then a Head Football Coach. Especially an in season Head Football Coach. It just never stops!!
A brand new Head Football Coach reached out to me to ask for articles and advice on how to best keep family time family time during the season. He’s just a few weeks in, and already feeling overwhelmed.
I gave him some of my ideas, and then I thought: let’s crowdsource this topic because many, many coaches struggle with “family time.” Many coaches have made many mistakes with their families. Many have learned valuable lessons for us all to learn from.
I asked coaches all over the nation this simple question “Can you share some techniques and or strategies and advice with a young Head Coach about how to best keep family time family time?” I told them it would be anonymous unless they wanted their name posted with this article on this website. I’ve summarized their answers, and mixed in some of my own advice for this.
Here are 6 Practical Strategies for Coaches to Prioritize Family Time
Schedule Football (Or Any Sport For That Matter) Tasks Strategically
Set strict schedules for football tasks like film study and meetings, ideally early mornings or late nights when family members are asleep. Use tools like Hudl for remote film analysis to avoid cutting into family hours. Confine football work to specific times to preserve evenings or weekends for family, ensuring presence during dinners or activities like board games, free from distractions like phone calls or emails.
Designate Non-Negotiable Family Time
Dedicate specific times for family, such as Sunday breakfasts, Wednesday pizza nights, or Saturday afternoons, and treat them as non-negotiable. Turn off phones and avoid football discussions to be fully present. Activities like reading to kids or weekly date nights strengthen bonds, showing family they are a priority despite the intense demands of coaching.
Tuesday night was “date night” when I was a Head Football Coach. We would have a sitter come watch the kids, and just Christine and I would go out to eat or go see a movie, or just go walk on the beach. She needed that time, I needed that time.
Delegate to Assistant Coaches
Delegate tasks to assistant coaches with clear roles and expectations to streamline work and ensure everyone leaves practice on time. Assign specific duties, like film breakdown or scouting reports, to lighten your load. This efficiency allows coaches to leave football at the fieldhouse, freeing up evenings for family engagement and reducing burnout.
Delegation was SO hard for me early on as a Head Coach. I wanted to do EVERYTHING for the program. I had to learn to give things up. I had to learn to say no, and to prioritize my own family.
Involve Family in the Program
Integrate family into the football program by inviting them to practices, games, or team events like barbecues. Involving spouses and kids fosters a shared team culture and helps them feel valued. For example, kids can serve as water boys or help with team activities, modeling positive family values for players while blending both worlds.
I loved bringing my family to our Thursday night pregame meals. We invited the whole family to come to a player’s house. Those were sweet times. My players loved rough housing with my son Nate, he loved playing with them. And the moms all loved getting to know my wife.
Set Clear Boundaries
Establish boundaries, such as no football calls after 7:00 PM or turning off phones during family hours, to ensure quality time. Communicate these boundaries to assistant coaches and parents, emphasizing that non-emergencies can wait. This discipline protects family time, allowing coaches to focus on meaningful interactions like helping with homework or listening to a spouse’s day.
I used to leave my phone in the bedroom when I got home. It was strategic, and became habit. I would get home, say a quick hello to the family, go to my room to change, and leave my phone in there for dinner and our after dinner routine of playing games, doing baths, etc. etc.
Communicate and Reflect
Openly discuss seasonal time commitments with your spouse to align expectations and gain their support. Share team challenges to gain valuable perspective and strengthen mutual understanding. Post-season, reflect on what worked or didn’t to refine processes, making coaching more efficient and freeing up time for family in future seasons.
Ask your wife or partner how you are doing as a husband, or wife. Keep that line of communication open.
Now, I want to give you a chance to read exactly from coaches instead of my thoughts and summations of their feedback! There is a LOT here! Enjoy!
What is a strategy that you use to keep family time family time?
Get work done before they rise. Finish up after they go to sleep.
Have certain times of the week (in-season) that are family time. Sunday morning before Church (ex: breakfast), Sunday Night (ours was 6pm-until ex: dinner and game night), and Saturday afternoon were mine (and any weekday where my wife and I both woke up 30 or so minutes earlier to cook and sit down and eat breakfast together. Dinner time was 7pm on weeknights and I usually made it home by then unless there was a JV game or was late painting the field.
Everything is scheduled and the schedule does not change. Film day/meeting on Sunday and Saturday is independent day watch film on their own and make notes but nothing requiring them to leave home. Practice is a set time from 3:30-6 M-W and Thursday from 3:30-5 for walkthroughs then team dinner from 5:30-6:30. We all have assigned jobs for post game on fridays so we know what needs to be done and then are free to leave once they are completed.
Put your phone/iPad on the charger away from you. Whatever it is….can wait
Set your basic film time and meeting during the weekend and keep it. The rest belongs to the family. I film before anyone wakes up and after everyone goes to sleep. During the weekdays, once you get home after practice that’s for football until all go to bed.
Set a certain time each day where you take no phone calls related to football…. let asst. coaches know. ( EX: no calls from asst coaches from (6:30-8pm). Also make sure in off- season to really give back to your wife and family.
Balance. Keep practice highly organized with no wasted time so when you leave the field you leave football there.
Have a dedicated date night and/or family night.
Try your best to leave work at work. It’s cliche but you have to do it. However, talk to your spouse about the issues with the team, parents, etc. You’ll get really good insight you get from your better half’s perspective and it helps them understand where your heads at.
I try to do that AFTER the season. I found out that you are never OFF DUTY as a head coach and sometimes multitasking is the only option.
Still make it a priority to go to your kids’ games and activities, even if it means missing some weekend meetings. Work with staff to share the load on game planning so that you’re not overwhelmed. Get up early and Sat and Sun to watch film or work at home before family gets up. Make time to do family activities on weekends and stick to it. Keep Thur practice short and organized so that you can grill supper for family or go eat out together.
Sunday evening dinners are our reserved family time. The rest of the week I am available to my players and staff 24-7
Pick a night that is family time and stick with it, no phone, laptop, iPad, film, game-planning. Be present.
Involve them in all aspects.
Turn off your phone, and dont talk shop with them.
Schedule out your day and be very disciplined to it… if it’s film time it’s film time – no phones…. if it’s family time it’s family – no phones… you will be more refreshed and it’s amazing what you can do when time is limited…
Tell my family I will be home at night and weekends during the season. Those times are precious to me and each other. I also like to have them help at games. Encourage my son to be involved with the game as well.
Wednesday pizza day – since I will most likely have a game on Thursday and Friday, we chose Wednesday night has a family meal night.
Watch film on hudl when everyone is sleeping instead of 6pm
Set cutoff times, weekends especially
No football in Sunday’s. Or whatever non meeting day is. Worked for us for years. So no nfl. Or take saturday
Plan a family activity that doesn’t involve screens. Board games, bike rides, outdoors games. Getting away from technology helps to avoid the temptation.
Takenatnleast one day a week and only focus on the Family. We do film breakdown from Friday Nights game after the game. That allows us to put it behind us and take either Saturday or Sunday as a full family day no football. This is hard but necessary!
No phone use after I get home.
I try to spend 30 mins a day with each member doing what ever they want to do
Put cell phone away during family time
Family is as involved as they can be, work for chunks of time on the weekend not the entire weekend. I do most of my film breakdown Saturday night after kids and go to bed and Sunday we have 1 2 hour meeting. We do not have our athletes come in on Saturday for this reason.
I go home right after practice, eat dinner as a fam and play with my kids until bed time. After they are in bed I pick up football again.
Schedule it just like you schedule practice. Turn your phone off during family time.
Happy wife = happy life. Set hours. Don’t come home until you’re ready to commit time to them and them alone.
Saturdays is all about the family. Saturday night is when I breakdown & watch film along with gameplanning
We meet briefly but assign Hudl homework for coaches so we can be with our families. Set up time for Hudl/work from home and only do it then. Once it’s over, don’t go back.
Delegate and trust. Devote time on Saturday or Sunday. Make it non-negotiable.
No weekend meetings. Saturday is family day.
Sunday work only
I believe in the 24 hr rule after wins or losses take time away from the game and do something with your family.
Invite and involve your family as much as possible. Have your spouse/kids at practice every day (provided kids are old enough to be able to be there). If they see you putting your passion on display, they will share it with you.
Set a time that you do nothing football related after getting home. This includes texts, emails, etc. this time is for you and family.
Stay off hudl once your home. Do your work before everyone wakes and after they go to sleep.
Don’t complicate things. If you need to figure something out and it’s bothering you and keeping you there late, sleep on it, pray on it, go be with your family. You’ll figure it out easier when rested.
First, I think it’s important to understand that in order to do the job correctly there is going to have to be some sacrifice of time at home. That’s dose t mean that if you must work all the time and sacrifice your family for the job. Please don’t misunderstand me. One of the strategies I found the most beneficial is to make sure all assistants coaches have a clear understanding of their responsibilities. This will eliminate a lot of time on campus.
Weekends are designated for family but he can always bring kids to practice just to be apart of it. Date nights with the wife . Put your phone down on the weekends
Phone off at a certain time. Something that pops up at 10-11pm can wait until the morning.
After a Friday game, I try to watch film early Saturday morning when they are still sleeping and then dive back in later that night when are settling down or in bed.
Every Thursday is date night. Always end with a trip for ice cream
Keep one day out of the week as family day
Put my phone in a drawer.
Pre plan time
I give all day Saturday to my family, and go to church with them Sunday morning…. Infringes on college football, but something had to be sacrificed. I stay late Friday night and get done with the last night’s game. Get up at 3 am Sunday and start in our opponent. After church and Sunday lunch I’m at work until…, but I normally make it home for bedtime routine…. This schedule worked well for me last year.
We work from home on Saturdays. We all have certain things we need to have done on our own, but do it from home (and we group text about things)
Do not check email/phone until it is down time. Be present in the moment.
As an assistant coach it’s important to have an understanding head coach. I have been blessed to have a HC who is totally understanding that when we are away from team its family time and only family time.
Make sure you and your spouse/kids are on the same page of what is expected from football and what and when it is family time. If you do this from the beginning, there are no surprises. Keep those two separated, and don’t give in to football during your family time.
Have a family night occasionally at the field house or school.
Make family plans well in advance e.g. purchase tickets to show/play, and let coaches know, in advance, that you will be unavailable.
Be efficient with planing all aspects of your football program.
Allow your position coaches to coach. Give them their responsibilities/duties and let them do it.
In this time of cell phones, there is no law that states you must answer it every time it rings or gives a notification.
Give your Coaches Sunday off from the Field house. They might still work, but at least they’re at home.
Make sure u have date night with the wife , Even if it’s at mac d or movie date
As the season goes, write down everything that gave you headaches, were time drains and you felt/thought were/are inefficient. You really don’t know till you know. Every campus and team will present their unique challenges. At the end of the season self reflect on improvements. Really think about those items in the winter and figure out how to save time. Year after year your hope is to gain time so you can be with your family. One key is to delegate as many jobs to coaches, players and parents as possible. You might be surprised how much work your players can do for you. Further, you really need to know those around you so you can pair jobs to their strengths. Lastly, you need to utilize weekly checklists and work a detailed planner so you know how you’re using time- ensure you’re fitting family activities throughout the week in that planner too. Squeeze a family/wife dinner night in on Thursday after JV game.
Get away from everything, choose to vacation where there is no cell phone service and you can’t be interrupted. You’ll come back refreshed and full of new ideas.
Sundays are off limits for the entire staff. I felt it was important to give everyone one day a week where football took a backseat. Saturday’s were sometimes long, but a guaranteed one day off goes a long way with the staff.
Dinner time until kids go to bed my phone and laptop are plugged in upstairs.
Meals always eaten at the table. Limit texting so the conversations at home have meaning. Live over 15 minutes from school to leave work in the car, not in the house. For every win: 1 date night. For every loss: 1 additional cleaning duty assignment
Put phone away for at least an hour while kids are awake and see to it they are with you.
Keep one weekend day available for family time. I usually make it Saturday, though it has been Sunday in the past. I hold meeting Sunday evenings to prepare for the week and still be able to go to church.
I think every coach knows what they have going into the season. I limited all weekend work to 3-4 hours each day. 2-3 more hours won’t help us beat a superior team. Plus my wife and kids knew when I would be home. I set a time and stuck to it. Period
Make it an absolute priority to have date night once a week. If you have kids, then it’s family night. This is probably my favorite night of the week.
Keep strict hours when it comes to game planning, and try to not bring work home. Sunday’s are dedicated to family. Plan something to get everyone together. Eat dinner together on week nights.
There are about 1,000 lessons I’ve learned as a HC, but here are 5:
1) You better make the time for your family BECAUSE there are so many things that will eat up your time – and you NEVER get time back! Your time is now everyone else’s – get a handle on it! Don’t spend more time with someone else’s kid, than your own! It’s all about time!!!
2) Turn off your phone and go for walks – it’s amazing how my wife & I bond over a 20 minute walk around our neighborhood! It may be something different for you – but have your thing!
3) Not everything is an emergency! In fact, there really are very few football program emergencies – keep it in all in perspective!
4) If you expect perfection from yourself, you’ll never be satisfied; but if you expect perfection from others you’ll never be happy! Be happy & enjoy teaching & developing all those around you!
5) Simple & efficient schemes with simple & understandable adjustments means less meeting time for you & your staff – which means more time at home with your family! Don’t over think the game of football – it’s really NOT that complicated!!!
Zero practices on weekends. Zero coaches meetings on weekends. We designed a scout template and created a google docs folder and shared as a staff. Each coach has his own font color. We tell them sometime before Monday morning to fill in their portion of the schooling report. This allows head coach and assistants the opportunity to watch film and contribute on their own time. Not only is your family time important during the season, but so is your assistants!
I try to always turn my phone off for the first 2 hours I get home from practice. That way I have no distractions and can spend time with my kids before they go to bed.
The moment you walk in the door turn your phone on silent. At parent meeting set the expectations about your office hours and to only call/ text in emergencies.
6:00am practice on Thursday. Automatic date night/game night. No Saturday meetings. Sunday game planning is at 6:00am this gives Thursday, Saturday Sunday family time
When I walk through the door and my kids aren’t sleeping/napping, I make it family time…that could sometimes mean I’m at the office linger getting stuff done but it also allows me to keep home and ball separate
Plan date nights
(Tyler Horkey) Make time in my schedule weekly. Saturday afternoons and nights are theirs along with Sunday morning and afternoon. No HUDL or other technology by me, it’s their time.
- Have a night each week that is “sacred”. I’ve seen coaches in the past use that as Wednesday’s and they made sure that was a night to spend together as a family before JV and varsity games on Thursday & Friday.
- Make the environment family friendly-if coaches need to bring their kids, make it work. The staff I’m on now, the wives and kids come up to fieldhouse after home games and we have a potluck style dinner complete with kids playing hide & go seek all over. In 10 years, I have worked for one coach who was not so family friendly. The other 4 have been all about family.
I saw on twitter not long ago where a coaches wife talked about one year they had 11 coaches kids between the ages of 10-14 and the dads would bring them all to the fieldhouse on sundays while they worked to give the wives a little bit of a break. The kids were turned loose and left largely unsupervised and the wives knew it.
Keep practices no more than 2 hours and 45 minutes long. Make sure your family kids are involved in football. Try to bring your kids to some practices. Make sure when your home you pay complete attention to your family turn the phone off
Put the phone in the other room. Set aside a special time daily or weekly that you know you guys will do the same activity each time. Read the Bible, watch a movie, play a game.
How do you help to keep family and your coaching duties separate?
Assign everything. Coaches know what is expected of them so they can finish work and practice to go home to their family. But the key word is make sure they know their jobs/expectations to avoid confusion.
Be where your boots are. When at the fieldhouse, be there 100% for your team. Do the same at home.
Make a list of family duties and do them first.
It makes it easier if you find creative ways to combine the two. Ex: Staff family dinners.
When you go home and your family is there they are your priority. If you need to do extra work do it when they’re sleeping.
Try to do it at work, early in am, or late in pm.
Put the phone away!
Be intentional. No different than planning a practice plan. Have a family plan and make it a priority. Try to be specific about what you want to do with the family as a whole or with individual members. In essence use your innate “coach” capabilities to be a better husband, father, son, etc.
I try to blend this during the season as I include family into what we do. This goes for staff families as well. The more included family helps our culture in my opinion
If you need to do stuff at home, try to do it before kids get up or after kids go to bed. Be a dad and read books to your kids!
Don’t think this is possible
I don’t know if it is possible. If you want more time with your family, try to incorporate them into as much coaching responsibilities as possible. Let the athletes see you being a great parent and spouse.
Try not to work at home
It’s tough to do. I go the other way and I try to involve them instead. Out of season there is more time to do stuff with the family and a coach should plan trips/events/activities with them but in season, if you’re doing it right, there isn’t a lot of free time.
Disciplined hours – seems simple and relevant but it’s very hard to actually follow
By 8pm at night no checking email or text or social media unless it’s emergency. I’m up early every morning usually no later than 6am. I handle paper work, email, text etc for first few hours and teach class during the school year. When I get home from practice or games it’s family time. See how the kids are doing and help with their homework etc. Also, talk with my wife, mostly I listen, I don’t get a word in edge wise.
I have a cutoff time. At 7:00pm, I leave football no matter what and head home. No more football until I arrive at work the next day. This helps me to not waste time with side conversations and forces me to prioritize.
Plan family events on the weekends
Wife has no interest Works perfect. Rarely talk about it
During the season.From Saturday afternoon to Sunday meeting Family is first. I will get up early Sunday to watch film.
It’s impossible. Include the family in the coaching. When I became HC an old coach told me that you better make sure the family is on board because they are all coaching now.
I don’t. My life priorities are my faith, my family, my career. They are intertwined. I always have my phone on at practice just in case my family needs me. My assistants know this and they do the same.
When I walk in my house coaching duties are done
Don’t try to get our family as involved in coaching aspects as possible I want it to be a family affair for all coaches.
This is hard, I’m blessed with a great wife who allows me to put football time in that is needed, but also calls me out when I’m supposed to be at family time and I’m in football mindset.
On our website and at parent presentations I inform everyone that I turn my phone off from 6:30-9pm. I have never had a call that needed immediate attention that couldn’t wait. But my family sees me give them 2.5 hours per day
Set hours.
Bring them to games & practices. However you have to be able to separate them mentally. When practice/games are over. I don’t talk about them and I don’t stay at the office just to stay. I get home and talk to them.
When football is done, it’s done. No drawing on napkins when your out at dinner or answering parent text messages while your hanging with your kids.
We watch the Patriots when they play. No matter what. We set that time aside. We also explain to our kids sometimes you can’t make every single event and it’s OK to be let down.
Time management and delegation.
Date night/family night
You have to be just as organized and put important items on a schedule. Involve family in as much coaching stuff as you can. Your coaches will appreciate that.
Biggest thing for me is to work at home as little as possible. When I’m at work, I’m at work. When I’m at home, I’m at home. This means I may leave earlier in the morning and get back later at night (I’m lucky, I live only about a 7min drive from my campus) but once I’m home my family gets my full attention.
Develop a plan. Write it down and adhere to it. Make a contract with yourself.
When it’s coaching time coach, when it’s family time just do family time.
You don’t. Introduce both worlds to each other and co-habitate.
I have eliminated my home work space in our home office. I found myself taking work home and it became a concern. So I make sure that all of my work is completed prior to going home. This ensures that my time at home is quality. I made it a rule of mine to not walk in my home on the phone I will sit in my car and finish the conversation.
Make sure your family understands you will be unavailable from meeting times to practice times . It’s a job/career like everywhere else.
Include your family and they feel apart of the family you are building away from home.
Again I try to stay off my phone when I get home from
Practice and again start diving into football stuff when they are heading to bed.
Never answer a call, text or email at home unless it’s about player safety or injury. The rest can wait
Have a specific time to stop working on football no matter what- have a “quitting time”
Don’t. We’re a football family, they are involved to a certain extent.
Very hard.. just make it a point to block out time and not look at your phone for coaching during that time.
I work when I can on Saturdays. If we are on the road, my wife drives, and I work. Usually, I really get a lot of work done after my family goes to sleep that night. Or I wake up early (which isn’t very often since we have game previous night). I sacrifice sleep for family.
Schedule everything from thinking time and appoints on shared calendar for all to see. I also put time for kids, wife on that schedule.
When I first started that was the toughest part of coaching. Having support from home and understanding spouse is huge. When spouse said let’s go to movies, dinner, or family time its family time leaving all football stuff at school and no mention of football when you are with your family unless they bring up the topic, but you as a coach needs to change conversation to family time.
During family time, I tune out football and concentrate on my family having my full attention. I don’t take calls or answer emails relating to football when we are doing together.
Simple. When I’m at the house, no coach talk is aloud around the family. Anytime coach talk is done, a dollar goes into the “Coach Jar”, which is based off the idea of a sweat jar.
Be honest with your coaches and players about your commitment to your family. I teach and coach at the same school, my players know that every Thursday I will not be available during lunch because I have lunch with my wife every Thursday.
My family also has my football schedule so they know when I will be in football mode.
Bottom line, is football and family will mix…your family should be your biggest fan base, support and you should be your families biggest fan and supporter!
When you get home be the best husband and dad you can be, don’ Flop down in your chair.
Wife has to understand that during fb season it’s coach from 8am -7 pm
But once u get home , don’t answer fb phone calls and be all dad and husband
Do you need to? I try to include my family in as many team activities as possible. One core value on our team is family. You can model it by showing how close you are with your own unit. You’re double dipping. Further, really work your detailed daily and weekly planner. Fit football in those times when the kids are sleeping or when the wife is busy.
I don’t. I just blend them, my family shows up at practice and is welcomed, my team comes over to our house and knows my family. My family understands that the players are like my own sons. We just blend everything we do.
For me, location was the key. When I needed to focus on football, I drove to campus and worked there. I did my best to keep football work out of the house.
Schedule family time during the week. Dinner, bike ride, walk, game night, etc. Put it in the calendar, and NOTHING interferes with it. I’m a night owl, so once the kids go to bed it’s football time.
Drive to/from work. Hours of operation on the phone/ people who have access to my number is tight, assigned assistant coaches nights that they’re responsible for groupme/etc communications.
Plan the week with the wife. Calendar out discuss what’s gonna happen each day and give your wife a chance to help organize time for you.
You can’t for the most part, my best advice is to integrate the two. Get the family involved. My family comes to all of the games, I try to get my boys involved on the field as ball boys or catching extra points. I take them to practice during the summer. The more bought in the family is, the easier it makes my job during the season.
That was hard. I brought my kids with me to practices because they liked it. I coached in the city so my wife didn’t like that game atmosphere sometimes so she went when she wanted to. When the season was over that was it.
Don’t work at home…also make family welcome around practices and work outs. Make them feel like they are a part of the football family.
YOU DON’T – so don’t even pretend!
Choosing to be a HC means choosing a LIFESTYLE – it’s not a job! You are responsible for creating a culture! That culture is often an extension of the HC’s own family – and who he is as a father & husband. My wife is my best friend; she’s as committed to our young men & our program as I am – it’s a family effort! Just because she has more of a “behind the scenes” role, doesn’t mean she’s any less valued!
You’ll always be the HC, but you can still drive the carpool or make forts with your kids – just be present when they need you!
When I go home after practice I shut my phone off. I wake up earlier than everyone in my house to check email/messages and do my coaching work. Once I leave practice, I focus on family only.
One thing I did was moved Saturday morning film session to Sunday night. I believe this helped in both areas. With Hudl you can get all the prep work done and have ideas going into Sunday night staff meetings. We watch film as a team Monday’s before practice. Doing this also allows your players to be kids and have the weekend offs.
When you are at home make sure you make eye contact with them. Do your absolute best to sit down at the dinner table as a family and just listen. Also take the time to listen to your wife about her day.
Wake up early during the week to do your me time /Football work. No work once you get home
Even with technology, don’t bring home. I’m at work longer but once home I’m home
Priorities. What needs to get done, has to get done and what can wait. I try to put them first, I have 3 sons all under 6, when they need Dad time they get it, if they have to have it, they get it. Happy wife, happy life. Most of my coaching stays at the school. When I walk through my door at home I’m a husband and father first.
Steal time where you can….get into the office a little early to work on coaching duties.
Block out some time in the evening where you don’t bother looking at coaching related things…maybe when kids go back to sleep, then go back to those things.
It’s hard to do these things during the season I know.
Engage the wives early and set up a “wives group” that can help support one another, etc…
Date night with wife at least once a week. Find a day that works best
I didn’t. My family was apart of the program. Kids would be at meetings, practices, film, weights. We had team outings and my family along with the families of my staff would come.
Any more advice on this topic for this rookie Head Coach?
There also needs to be some understanding from your support system. There’s a lot of things that you “don’t need to do” but as successful coach understands those things need to be done. It’s helpful if your family understands that for a period of time things are different.
I often joke, as a high school coach, elementary teacher, that if I had a real job I would be out from at least 7-6 very single day. So, getting home at 5:30 or so isn’t so bad.
Also, as mentioned, do film study at night and early in the morning. When the only person it impacts is you.
Life is hard. It takes sacrifice and understanding.
First year is the most rough/overwhelming, after the season when you have time to reflect you will figure out how to maybe do things better or more efficient or streamline some processes. Hang in there. Hope this helps. Don’t let it consume you.
Plan smarter not harder. Time
Management is key! Keep things moving during practice! Make every thing count and work strategically and don’t overthink/over plan small things. Good luck this year hope this helps! Trust yourself, your kids and your staff. You were hired for a reason. Think successfully! God bless!
Delicate to assistant and sub varsity coaches. Give mission, intent, and end state.
Mission: Conduct 7/8th grade lifting on Tuesday and Thursday from 9-11
Intent: >75% of our MS players get familiar with the weight room and proper lifting technique. They build confidence and have fun.
Endstate: At the end of summer, >75% of our MS players are familiar with the fieldhouse, each other, and our youth coaches.
Delegate to your assistant coaches the smaller chores and hold them accountable to do them. Bring your kids to practice of they are old enough so wife can have her time also. Check your hard days at the door. It’s not your families fault you took an L.
Give yourself permission to be a husband and a dad when you are home. Stop feeling guilty about stepping away from your coaching duties. Don’t waste time after practice, when things get wrapped up… go home! Have dinner with your family. Help with homework, communicate, not only will it build family bonds but gives you a mental break from coaching. Spending 30 minutes helping your child study for a quiz will have a greater impact than watching 30 more minutes of film! Turn off technology (until everyone goes to bed), from dinner time to bed time is family time, “if” you need to get something done before the next time do it after they go to bed. On a side note, I work hard trying to involve my family in football, my daughter makes treats for the team for film days, my son has been the water boy. Involve them, make them feel they are a part of it too!
Explain the time commitment to your wife. Make sure she is fully aware of the amount of time it takes.
Surround yourself with GREAT men of character that are aligned with you philosophically and that you can trust to delegate duties and empower them. This will make it easier to not have to take it home with you so much. Best of luck!
Try making your families a part of t rather than trying to completely separate it. Have your family day, but build the relationships with other families as well. Gather after games. Do something together before the season begins. Work to make them a part of it in a way.
Make your family a part of the team and hopefully your team will make them a part of the environment.
Be where your feet are. When it’s family time immerse fully into that time. When there is a conflict set your priority to your family. Your players will see it and you will earn a lot of respect on their eyes because of it.
Think of the season as a sprint and go all in for that sprint and delegate yourself amounts of time to step back throughout the year. Do not be afraid to not be at a lifting session or film session in the off season.
Make time for your religion. Don’t shortchange God for football. Allow your staff to do the same. Have BBQs and family gatherings with all coaches and wives and kids to make them feel valued. Pay assistants for helping with summer camp and get all wives and kids the summer camp t-shirt. Get assistants gift cards for Christmas so that they can take their wives out for dinner. Pray.
You have to have a supportive wife and family. You need a good support system to lean on.
The first year will feel like a whirlwind. It is for everyone! Keep your priorities in line as much as possible, find an older person to mentor you, and don’t take yourself too seriously.
Dont sweat the small stuff. Anything other than your family is small stuff. Also dont marry unless she understands what you do.
Quality not quantity. Make what ever amount of time count by being focused and engaged with them in what ever the activity/event is.
Find a away to incorporate both of you can not be disciples to follow a strict calendar…
I do wish you all the best. Prioritize what you feel is the most important thing to get done and check off the list one by one what you get done that day. Don’t fret if you don’t get everything on the coaching list accomplished that day. Take time for yourself; workout maybe in the morning before you tackle your task. Do your task, teach, Coach and at the end of the day kiss your wife and hug your kids and BREATH! You will be good.
I hope little bit of this helps.
Respect your assistant coaches’ time. They have family also, so make sure you aren’t just keeping them around to have someone to talk with
Focus on your efficiency of time use
Get a Netflix show. Always eat dinner with your family
Set aside one weekday to make sure you get home for dinner. If not two! Always text if you going to to be late OR when you are leaving practice.
Delegate. You can’t do it all and will burn out trying. Hire the best assistants you can who are good people and trust them. Don’t run an offense or a defense that’s so complicated that it takes hours to perfect or tweak. Keep it simple.
Leave one day a week designated strictly for family time
Don’t meet just to meet. Meet to accomplish a goal and move on.
Balance is the key to longevity work on keeping spiritual self, family life as priorities over coaching career. Ultimately, when these things get out of order typically it leads to a negative spiral in all three areas.
Schedule out your day and stick to your schedule, if you can’t don’t cheat your family. Either wake up earlier or go to bed later (or both)
Be clear with assistant coaches on what their duties are including film breakdown and scouting reports. Whatever they don’t do you end up doing yourself. That’s no bueno
Delegate responsibilities to other coaches and even parents. As much as possible.
Involve hour family as much as possible. But set dedicated time to them every week. I always make it home for dinner during the week. Saturdays are important to them. My son & I always watch some NFL or college game together without me sitting on Hudl or texting coaches. Dedicate that time to them. They’ll appreciate it.
Sounds bad, but Wife needs to understand what she got into. If she loves you and knows that you love football, she will understand that she is far better off with you as a football coach as opposed to you not being a football coach. My wife gets upset during the season. But right when it ends and I’m moping around the house for a couple weeks, she gets tired of me ! lol
Best part of my week is cooking dinner for the fam on Saturday night. Get up earlier on Sunday to watch film. Stay up later if need be.
Everyone feels overwhelmed. It comes with the job.
hire good coaches and delegate task to those that can handle it.
You are going to feel overwhelmed daily! The only way you can be fully prepared to be a HC is to have been an HC! We’ve all been there and just because you feel like you can’t keep your head above water is not an indictment of you as a coach. Take it in stride and try not to get too high or too low day to day.
Hire a staff of guys that you TRUST and who will be honest with you. If you believe in your systems, coaches, and philosophies, be ready to stick with them/by them when things don’t go well (because at some point, they won’t go well!). The bottom line is that if you are consistent in your approach and expectations, and if you love the kids, they will love you back.
Have fun and don’t lose sight of why you do what you do. Remember why you got into the profession daily
Try some different times/ways to do it. Now that I have kids I wake up early and get most of my coaching work done before everyone wakes up.
Don’t get tempted into thinking that you should also be the Athletic Director. If you think it’s tough now you would be in for a rude awakening.
Don’t do too god of a job of separating your job from your home it’s important for your players to see a properly functioning family unit. It’s also important for you spouse to head of some of your success you are having with character development, so they see the value in your sacrifice.
Coach Gibby Socastee Middle School HD FB and Socastee High Head Varsity Wrestling Coach @brave_to_the_bone
Learn on the fly and see what works for you. Nothing is ever perfect
Don’t try to do it all yourself.
Take care of your assistants and the people who make your job easier. Get them nice gear (shirts hoods hats etc). I also get my administration the same gear as well as it helps out in the long run.
Involve your family and the families of ur assistants as much as u can. Ball boys, statisticians, bbqs, buy wives and girlfriends their own jackets. The more they see what you do and why you love it the more they will understand and respect it
Organize your day by specific tasks by “Block Scheduling” just like school!
Pick one night you shit it down early and have dinner with whole family. Have meaningful conversations and play a game or watch a movie.
The more you pre- plan in football the less time you waste.. you can get it all done if you trim the fat.. transition time, time on the field, weight room, meetings etc.
You already are doing what I would suggest…make your family the priority. Before I became head coach, I was on staffs that spent way too much time at the field house, I vowed I would never do that…and now that I can actually make those decisions, family time is #1
Trust your staff, put in the work but respect the relationships of your coaches and family. It is a great job but not at the cost of losing your family.
Make sure you set Saturdays or Non-Film day to no football time. No Mention of football team or any players at all. Keep the wins and losses at school and never bring it home. Stay humble and never show emotion to family on wins or losses.
Set the expectation to your coaches that family is first and live that out everyday.
Breath and relax. Football is fun. Good and bad years happen and the quicker that reality is accepted, the easier it is to be different roles as a spouse, parent, coach, and role model.
Seek advice and counsel in both areas when necessary and don’t compare your work or program to others. Strive to be the best “you”.
There is so much more, and there always will be!
Set an example of how to value family time!
Enjoy the ride , I’m the head baseball coach for the last 23 years but also asst fb coach also 23 years …
I can’t stress documenting your struggles enough. That journal will help you self reflect when times aren’t so chaotic (Winter). You will need to spend alone time thinking of how to improve your specific and personal situation. Lastly, don’t give up your health, fitness and hobbies- add those into your planner too (even during season).
Faith, Family, Football … wake up every morning attacking what is directly in front of you and always strive to put those three F’s in that order. Take time to exercise and put in the headphones and listen to podcasts or a music playlist you like. You’ll stay healthier and have less stress, sleep better at night, and come up with lots of problem solving solutions or ideas while you’re taking a mental break away from the daily grind of being a head coach and all the duties it entails.
Delegate, delegate, delegate. If you try to do everything yourself, you’re going to burn out faster than if you use the resources on your staff. Don’t just assume that they will jump in and help. Assign them tasks and hold them accountable. – Logan McPherson , Richmond, VA.
Delegate responsibilities. Assign your coordinators or assistants specific film jobs, planning jobs, etc. to lighten your load.
Breathe. We all know what we signed up for, so do our loved ones. Communication is key, transparency is more important, love is the most.
When practice is over I thank my coaches. I talk to dc about the next day. We plan practice on paper together then everyone goes away. I take 15 to 20 min to fix next day schedule and then I go home. First thing through the door is greet kids and wife. Shower. Eat. Then kids time for an hour before I allow myself to work.
Just like we have the players put money in the bank for conditioning and studying to be prepared for the season, I try to put money in the bank with my wife and kids once the season is over and before spring ball begins. I take a break from football, which is tough at times with NFL and playoffs going on, but I try to give them the attention they deserve before spring ball begins. I also take a couple weeks during the summer and dead period to dedicate to family time, travel, the beach, day trips. Just build up that family time bank in anticipation for the demands of the season. @coachfootball19 Jacob Ochoa if there is anything I can do to help a young coach out.
Don’t let people tell you that more time means more wins. It doesn’t. Quality time is what matters. Running in a circle for that sake of running in a circle makes you and expert at running in a circle.
Make sure you’re open about how long you’ll be gone and when you’ll be home. If it’s gonna be a late night, be up front about it.
Be present and engaged when at home, especially if you have kids.
Have a date night with the Mrs one day a week. Make it the same day every week, put your phone away and give her your undivided attention.
I’m going on my 10th season as a college HC – the job itself DOES NOT get easier! But in this new role you will figure out what you value, what you stand for and what’s most important (in your program, your relationships, your life, etc.) – and then let those personal values guide you every day!
Tangible or Action Items:
-Seek out mentors for advice & guidance on leading a program (sometimes those people are not coaches but rather leaders in other fields)
-Ask your staff for their opinion but always do what YOU believe is best!
-Make To-Do Lists
-Keep a 12-Month Calendar & constantly review it
-Respect your coaches & players time (they can’t get it back either)
-Review & understand all your College/District policies
-Choose People over Paperwork!
-Don’t use “I” when addressing the staff or team – use the word “We”
-Challenge the status quo for EVERYTHING you do in your program! If it doesn’t make sense, have purpose or align with your values – then get rid of it!!!
-Be a great listener – Listen with empathy & speak with authority!
-T-shirts giveaways are nice – but handwritten “Thank You” notes are much more valued and appreciated on a personal level.
-Lastly, these are young people & it’s a funny shaped ball – keep it in perspective!
-Garrett Campbell, Fullerton College
Don’t let your chase for a championship ring destroy the one you already wear!
Get your family involved as much as possible. I have a 5 and 3 year old and they always come to our Thursday night dinners. Having them help and be around the players will make them feel apart of the program and on the team.
On a side note make sure you have a separate place for your wife and family members to sit during games. I put them down on the sidelines with our admin and put out some chairs down near the end zone for them to sit and watch. I promise no matter how successful your program is you don’t want your family sitting in the stands hearing all the shit parents will talk about you haha best of luck!
You’re going to make a million mistakes. Make sure you set the expectations to all parts of your program or they will make them for you. Also, you’re going to have critics, ignore them and keep going forward. Make sure the people in your organization know exactly what to do and how to do it, or you need someone else. You must stand firm in your beliefs of they way you want your program run and stick to them. Adversity will hit you at some point, make sure you surround yourself with people who believe in you. Never listen to people who don’t count.
Time management is key create a schedule
Include your family as much as possible…they’re a part of the program because you’re the head of it so the best way to create a family atmosphere is to have your family around. It’s easier said than done with little ones (mine are 3 and 7 months so I get it) but my wife is constantly helping out and my kids are around as much as they can be…I think it allows your players to see you as a human being and helps them understand this is family!
Model this behavior for your coaching staff.
Don’t sweat the small stuff, yes football is important, do what you can during the week or when the kids are asleep. Don’t put too much stress on yourself, you have assistants for a reason, use them, delegate and teach what you want to help them and help yourself!
Don’t take on too much on your own…..I’m horrible at delegating but trying to do it all is a recipe for frustration, resentment and burnout. I speak from experience.
Make sure you divide the duties up with your assistant Coaches. You can’t do it all by yourself.
It’s your program, you create the rules & set the standard. You are also modeling for these young men how to be a man, some of these young men may have never had a father to show them what that looks like. You & your staff have a unique opportunity to show them how to be good fathers & husbands through how you guys live as fathers and husbands. The more your family is connected to the program the more your family doesn’t feel left out of your life as well in my personal experience. I have had two chances at it & the first time my family wasn’t as involved and there was the sense of single parent household & that’s not what you really want in your marriage. Second time around I made it a point for my family to be more involved & even though the commute was longer which meant more time away from home the additional time my family spent doing things with the program whether it was everyone or just the kids created a much better dynamic in my house as well as for my young men, they knew me as man and saw I cared for them the same as my children & that led us to an awesome culture and a Northern California Championship Game appearance.
Good luck this season coach!
Chris Fore is a veteran Administrator, Athletic Director, and Head Football Coach from Southern California; he currently serves as a Principal. He has written four books and produced coaching manuals, available at EightLaces.org. Fore holds a Master’s in Coaching and Athletic Administration and multiple education credentials. A Certified Athletic Administrator, he served as President of the California Coaches Association (2018–2021) and has held various other leadership roles in several different organizations. A sought-after speaker, Fore has contributed to national sports publications and appeared on radio and podcasts. He also serves as an expert witness in athletic lawsuits. Follow him on X!
